eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
