i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
