There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
we're so committed to being not committed
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
