Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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