So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Randomize
