that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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