And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
