she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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