she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
