i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
