A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
