yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
