they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
