so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
