first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
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I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
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George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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