i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
only if we run a train.
done.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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