my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
This baby is an asshole
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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