Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
