I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
