Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
