youre lurking in front of me
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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