Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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