I wanna bring you to show and tell
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
