This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
