My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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