Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
