making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
