in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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