Texts From Last Night

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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I'm at derby!

  (847): View more from Illinois

  The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.

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  (847): I'm at derby! (847): The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time. http://tfl.nu/hrlc
  Replies (9) Good night (1373) Bad night (463)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.

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  (401): i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much. http://tfl.nu/qwgv
  Replies (17) Good night (3812) Bad night (596)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.

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  (281): had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag. http://tfl.nu/mbm9
  Replies (210) Good night (4851) Bad night (28703)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth

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  (704): I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth http://tfl.nu/9h3z
  Replies (4) Good night (553) Bad night (2692)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  So can I buy you a drink sometime?

  (206): View more from Washington

  Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.

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  (918): So can I buy you a drink sometime? (206): Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days. http://tfl.nu/hks4
  Replies (28) Good night (1170) Bad night (7666)
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  (475): View more from Connecticut

  just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles

  (1-475): View more from Connecticut

  exact location. now.

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  (475): just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles (1-475): exact location. now. http://tfl.nu/2i9v
  Replies (26) Good night (1544) Bad night (3501)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you

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  (770): Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you http://tfl.nu/4fya
  Replies (14) Good night (1031) Bad night (4442)
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  (916): View more from California

  The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.

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  (916): The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless. http://tfl.nu/34a1
  Replies (27) Good night (6048) Bad night (1272)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.

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  (321): I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day. http://tfl.nu/k9f2
  Replies (17) Good night (5420) Bad night (797)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  you tipped EVERY employee at white castle

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  (732): you tipped EVERY employee at white castle http://tfl.nu/d5zv
  Replies (15) Good night (6260) Bad night (897)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...

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  (814): Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major... http://tfl.nu/yhqh
  Replies (9) Good night (2653) Bad night (1096)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.

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  (515): your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head. http://tfl.nu/jev3
  Replies (5) Good night (722) Bad night (1568)
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today

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  (906): Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today http://tfl.nu/n5yz
  Replies (7) Good night (442) Bad night (847)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.

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  (706): You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT. http://tfl.nu/osv9
  Replies (4) Good night (949) Bad night (353)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.

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  (330): I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend. http://tfl.nu/a48i
  Replies (1) Good night (562) Bad night (200)

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