yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
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My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.