the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
