Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team