Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
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I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
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WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.