Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.

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(860): I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination. http://tfl.nu/f55n

Replies (4) Good night (3434) Bad night (774)
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(765): View more from Indiana

He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.

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(765): He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder. http://tfl.nu/7khc

Replies (81) Good night (17106) Bad night (2970)
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(509): View more from Washington

I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.

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(509): I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier. http://tfl.nu/0psb

Replies (5) Good night (2278) Bad night (955)
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(801): View more from Utah

I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified

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(801): I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified http://tfl.nu/y3tt

Replies (13) Good night (2666) Bad night (1278)
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(850): View more from Florida

His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.

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(850): His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend. http://tfl.nu/ofwy

Replies (10) Good night (1905) Bad night (702)
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(770): View more from Georgia

You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.

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(770): You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month. http://tfl.nu/j1wm

Replies (3) Good night (1561) Bad night (746)
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(914): View more from New York

So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.

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(914): So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall. http://tfl.nu/w95m

Replies (4) Good night (1433) Bad night (578)
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus

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(832): i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus http://tfl.nu/kvpc

Replies (2) Good night (1698) Bad night (670)
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(352): View more from Florida

Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it

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(352): Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it http://tfl.nu/3d88

Replies (2) Good night (663) Bad night (936)
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(716): View more from New York

this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon

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(716): this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon http://tfl.nu/3rl3

Replies (10) Good night (3215) Bad night (713)
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(509): View more from Washington

He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced

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(509): He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced http://tfl.nu/0gfy

Replies (7) Good night (1683) Bad night (692)
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(206): View more from Washington

Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.

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(206): Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning. http://tfl.nu/yefg

Replies (2) Good night (876) Bad night (447)
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(310): View more from California

When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos

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(310): When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos http://tfl.nu/izqt

Replies (6) Good night (914) Bad night (483)
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(914): View more from New York

Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."

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(914): Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover." http://tfl.nu/wk3b

Replies (4) Good night (925) Bad night (662)
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(423): View more from Tennessee

He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!

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(423): He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet! http://tfl.nu/hvnm

Replies (2) Good night (725) Bad night (388)

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