I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.