Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
