Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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