would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
