I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
