I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
