my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
