Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
