party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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