it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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