do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I bet he comes in French.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
