I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
