i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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