I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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