youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
