i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
