its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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