apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
she peed on how many people?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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