Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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