you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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