tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just cropdusted the office
We named our party play list daddy issues
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
