hotel room ftw
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
