I wanna passion pit in your ass
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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