The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
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your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
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I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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