Church boner. Awkwardddd
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf