Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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