Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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