why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
