She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
You left your phone here
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