just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
