You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Randomize
