Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
