And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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