I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
