He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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