hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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