btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
