So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
