I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
