He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
