I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
