Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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