dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You did what with his pubic hair?
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