she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
