just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
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