i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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