Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
