She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
