I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
It was confusing and full of hummus
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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