And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
