did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
