Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
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