I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
