i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
