what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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