I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
