Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
look no pants
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
