Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
