U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
