I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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