thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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