if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Randomize
